BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, love, Mom, mood, relationships


Didn’t sleep too well, but already put plan into place for Amia. Had conference call with her case manager, this morning, who also has been concerned all week by recent behavior as well. Came to conclusion by comparing notes that Amia needs some additional services in place. I wanted to support her and not force her to be healthy, but her behavior is justifying my actions.

She is manic. The lack of concern for consequences, the dishonesty, the deception, will just continue to escalate. I’m hoping for the best as we try to head off a major episode. And praying it doesn’t affect my mood stability as well.

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, love, Mom, relationships


Yay, its Friday
It was a hard work day, very busy but felt like treading water.
Family was annoying but I know it’s my mood. Mom was sending messages, uncle was over staying welcome, and Amia continues to puzzle her momma.
Today, I called home, no answer but so busy I ignored my intuition. I went to visit a cousin after work only to be surprised by call from Amia. It was after 5pm and she was on the whole other side of town. Mind racing, so upset, but so scared, just trying to get to her. She claims she got on wrong school bus, but I remember those days. Is it karma? I seriously remember being skipping school or feigning after school activities so i could have freedom.
I’m lost…….

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

Blog, Mom


So today the talk at work was my issue with Amia, in today’s environment are our children too ENTITLED?

My husband and I constantly disagree, since I have forsaken all to give my children a great childhood, because I was spoiled. My parents were married, my dad in the military and my mom didn’t work until I was about 5. The rules were: you cannhave whatever as long work for it, ie: be a good student, be a good person, do your chores.

Did I create 2 monsters?


Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, finances, frustration, Mom, mood, savings

Enough is enough

Amia was finally able to return to school, but first we had another sleepless night because she was throwing up all over everything, eww. But she got up and went.

Work was productive although I had to redirect myself several ties to stay focused. I absolutely love my job, but at times the constant touching of the same item, drives me crazy. But its rare to find something you are awesome at, appreciated for, and paid well.

So back to Amia, I was able to catch her in a situation that I disagree with but don’t understand why her mind works the way it does. Supposedly, there have been numerous package deliveries before I arrive home, today I dug in the trash to investigate. She denied it at first, then tried to say it was one thing but I later found packaging slip. She ordered a $70 shirt. OMG, what!!!! I frantically check my bank accounts, nothing, then remember my mom leaving a message about using her credit card. Wow, yep she has ran up several charges which she still denies and I have no idea what was purchased.
I tossed her room and can’t find a thing. She still sees no issue, I now have to replace the funds, so budget screwed. Due to constant state interactions she is aware that I am prohibited from disciplining her, she already has limited perks, as I have taken cell phone, tablet, social media access.

I am just so upset, disappointed and confused. I thought we were on a good trend of being mentally stable, for her anyway.

Back to the drawing board to keep myself stable. Still praying

Thanks for listening as always

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, Mom, mood, relationships

Rain go away

Today’s mood is all over the place, just want to hide in bed.
Been up majority of night, mind not still, meeting at school didn’t happen AGAIN. I can’t understand why people feel their job is more important thn mine, i have a responsibility to be at work in a timely manner not sitting waiting.
Sorry for my rant this morning, going to say my prayers, refocus, and get back to work.
Enjoy your day

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Family, Mom, mood, ODD


This has been my favorite word this week. I found myself using it more than ever and even getting other people to use it. I was in a mood all week, no particular reason but it was definitely there, the filter was gone too. My filter is what I call my intention to always be a good person, when the filter is gone, what out for Dawn, because she will tell it straight no chaser!

I isolated myself so as not to have to apologize later, some people like to do that, I hate when someone does something then apologizes, there is no apology when it was intended. So was unplugged, no social media, no phone, and only interacted if necessary.

So on Friday, phone goes missing, I am 99.9% sure of its location but after several prompts I let it go. So why now does my phone say I walked my allotted 10000 steps yesterday, I am getting random text messages, and I have no log from yesterday when I know I called myself twice. Still I am met with attitude and lies when all I want is for her to take responsibility for her actions. Is that too much, I think not when you have every comfort known to man and still on punishment.

How do I get her to get it???