Didn’t sleep too well, but already put plan into place for Amia. Had conference call with her case manager, this morning, who also has been concerned all week by recent behavior as well. Came to conclusion by comparing notes that Amia needs some additional services in place. I wanted to support her and not force her to be healthy, but her behavior is justifying my actions.

She is manic. The lack of concern for consequences, the dishonesty, the deception, will just continue to escalate. I’m hoping for the best as we try to head off a major episode. And praying it doesn’t affect my mood stability as well.

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Yay, its Friday
It was a hard work day, very busy but felt like treading water.
Family was annoying but I know it’s my mood. Mom was sending messages, uncle was over staying welcome, and Amia continues to puzzle her momma.
Today, I called home, no answer but so busy I ignored my intuition. I went to visit a cousin after work only to be surprised by call from Amia. It was after 5pm and she was on the whole other side of town. Mind racing, so upset, but so scared, just trying to get to her. She claims she got on wrong school bus, but I remember those days. Is it karma? I seriously remember being skipping school or feigning after school activities so i could have freedom.
I’m lost…….

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Can I live….

As mentioned before I was raised going to church, I have knowledge,  faith, and love for God while not currently attending church, BUT I do also try to live a balance life. I have for years allowed unrealistic demands from people majority family to cause me harm. Whether physical because of jealousy or financial because of misplaced loyalty, so why NOW when I’m content in my own skin finally to live for me do I hear the need to turn the other cheek and always forgive?
SERIOUSLY, I have no more cheeks, dollars, and just can’t emotionally or financially handle another setback, I’m almost 40 years old.
WHY is it ok for you to not change your wrong ways and continously want a pass? WHY must I have to allow one?
I just want to be happy in my own rite, those who can respect that, cool, those that can’t I am fine in my own world getting my goals accomplished, FINALLY doing what I want


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Just learn from my example, please…..

imagesSo how do you get someone to understand when they are not ready to do something you don’t agree with because of experience?

This has been a long debate in my household because I was rigidly raised to be a person who responsibly managed my life before adding to it, so basically I wasn’t allowed to date until I was older. So while I didn’t take it as far as my mother would like, not dating until 30, I did manage to:

  • attend church regularly (raised as Jehovah’s Witness, so 3 times a week plus field service),
  • have a job,
  • maintain acceptable grades,
  • and maintain family time (large extended family)

ALL before a boyfriend was even discussed, (now in the interest of full disclosure, I did have behind the scenes interactions unbeknownst to my parents, but my standards were still met) so my first official boyfriend was at the age of 17.

So fast forward, how do you effectively manage a mental diagnosis, youth, and the desire to have a boyfriend? I wasn’t diagnosed until 30 but my daughter who is now 13 years old wants to date. I don’t agree and she is aware, but I have decided to remain neutral to see how things go since she has only recently been stable. I don’t want to be overprotective and not allow her to live because of her diagnosis but I also have to be mindful that the least little emotional thing could send us back to square 1.

How do I be supportive but get her to realize that in the present time frame while its cute and fun, its also very emotional as a young adult navigating a relationship?