Blog, Family, love, relationships

VINTAGE 40

I am so blessed to have reached my 40th birthday, I’ve been loved my whole life first by my parents and extended family and then my two best friends who helped me raise my two girls, Briana and Amia.

I love to party with my family and friends.

I’m looking forward to my next chapter. #40thbirthday

♫ Music: Everyday Birthday – Swizz Beatz made with @flipagram . http://flipagram.com/f/SDZKJekKQF

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, love, mood, relationships

Helpless

I anticipated my first two weeks of March being hard, especially with the recent separation, birthday (12th), filing for divorce (13th) and anniversary (15th) all in the next two weeks.
But also having another issue come up, is threatening my mental health. I am confused on my next steps and if I am projecting or legitimately pissed.
I have been praying for guidance, peace, and clarity all weekend but I keep coming back to a need to declare war on my family, that will not end well for us. I’ve grown up with a sense of self, family, and faith that in the last year continuously gets trampled in the vain to keep the peace and I am over it. I have to take a stand and do what I feel is best, I doubt I fail but am willing of it beings some resolution and possibly fixes things.

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Family, grief, love, mood, relationships

This too shall pass

image

I know in real life its not a failure, but in my heart it is. I’m thankful for those who see me as someone strong, I have a coworker who always remarks on how she admires me, how strong she thinks I am at work. It inspires me in the times when I’m literally crying for my mommy. I also appreciate my mom and sister in law who have silently supported me by being present if I need them.
As my mom said tonight, this too shall pass and I do know that, I am letting go of something wonderful for a greater purpose since I the ultimate daddy’s girl know what that relationship means.

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

Blog, Budget, down payment, Family, love, mood, planning, relationships

image

Today was a snow day, not really it was a paid holiday, President’s Day. Around 1pm it started snowing, first real snow since 2009. Its been a quiet day, grateful for that. Thinking of working from home tomorrow, keeping busy to keep my mind of missing my friend.
Had my 1st meeting with my financial planner today, super excited. His timeline is was more planned than mine so gotta sync that, 2020 is not the move date, lol.
No new hives today but still have old ones that are itchy.
I am grateful and still going.

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, love, Mom, mood, relationships

Proactive

Didn’t sleep too well, but already put plan into place for Amia. Had conference call with her case manager, this morning, who also has been concerned all week by recent behavior as well. Came to conclusion by comparing notes that Amia needs some additional services in place. I wanted to support her and not force her to be healthy, but her behavior is justifying my actions.

She is manic. The lack of concern for consequences, the dishonesty, the deception, will just continue to escalate. I’m hoping for the best as we try to head off a major episode. And praying it doesn’t affect my mood stability as well.

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, frustration, love, Mom, relationships

TGIF…..

Yay, its Friday
It was a hard work day, very busy but felt like treading water.
Family was annoying but I know it’s my mood. Mom was sending messages, uncle was over staying welcome, and Amia continues to puzzle her momma.
Today, I called home, no answer but so busy I ignored my intuition. I went to visit a cousin after work only to be surprised by call from Amia. It was after 5pm and she was on the whole other side of town. Mind racing, so upset, but so scared, just trying to get to her. She claims she got on wrong school bus, but I remember those days. Is it karma? I seriously remember being skipping school or feigning after school activities so i could have freedom.
I’m lost…….

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW

BiPolar, Blog, Family, finances, frustration, love, mood, relationships

Can I live….

As mentioned before I was raised going to church, I have knowledge,  faith, and love for God while not currently attending church, BUT I do also try to live a balance life. I have for years allowed unrealistic demands from people majority family to cause me harm. Whether physical because of jealousy or financial because of misplaced loyalty, so why NOW when I’m content in my own skin finally to live for me do I hear the need to turn the other cheek and always forgive?
SERIOUSLY, I have no more cheeks, dollars, and just can’t emotionally or financially handle another setback, I’m almost 40 years old.
WHY is it ok for you to not change your wrong ways and continously want a pass? WHY must I have to allow one?
I just want to be happy in my own rite, those who can respect that, cool, those that can’t I am fine in my own world getting my goals accomplished, FINALLY doing what I want

image

Posted from WordPress for Android by NDW